COLLATERAL (5 mg)
Should not be as good as it is.
Ok, so I bought the boyf a Criterion Collection subscription for his birthday. We cracked it open Monday. And what a debut showing it had. Tom Cruise in an incredibly clock-able Wig. Jamie Foxx in a never-been-hot-before Mustache. Jada Pinkett post-Smith. What do we get? A Michael Mann masterpiece.
The Review
So we open and immediately I’m thinking, wow, Jamie and Jada are actually having a full conversation here. Jamie is driving his yellow cab and Jada is his client. How early 2000’s. They are relaxed, they are learning about each other’s dreams, and there is far too much eye contact between them for driving on an LA highway.1 Since we have time to luxuriate in this easy flirtation, I start to fixate: why are they nerd-ing Jamie up with these glasses? They do nothing for him. And so the blesséd costume designer (Jeffrey Kurland) has clued me into something fundamental. This guy’s got instinct, flair, charm but WHY is he hiding underneath a wire-rimmed monstrosity that completely obfuscates his brow shape? This is a portrait of a man who doesn’t understand his strengths. Of a man with dare I say too much humility…
But there’s something about him, and Tom Cruise (“Vincent”) thinks so too. The second Vince offers Max $500 to drive him around the whole night and compliments his encyclopedic knowledge of LA’s no-grid system, I’m thinking, okay… “let him cook”… for we are nurturing together as an audience a singular homoerotic tension between Wig (Vincent) and Mustache (Max) that can only end in sex. Everyone is horny in this universe for Max AKA so is Michael Mann. So am I. And now I’m thinking… is that just inherent to film noir? Inherent sexiness? Inherent vice even? Starring Amy Adams?2 NO because this is COLLATERAL bitch and in COLLATERAL, no woman speaks for more than 30 seconds. As a woman, I will take it upon myself to forgive Stuart Beattie (writer).
Anyway, then a man “lands” on Max’s cab after “falling” out a window and Vincent doesn’t even pretend to be surprised after he walks out 30s later because he respects his boyfriend too much to lie to him. Vincenzo is gonna kill four more people tonight including but not limited to sexy Jada. Now put your guns down because this isn’t a spoiler, and if you have any media literacy this will be clear when she’s hardly in the movie - not to drag y’all, but catch up. So we travel through LA, and may I say, compliments to Michael Mann for a building an actually interesting reflection of the city. Strip malls, Jazz clubs, Korean night clubs, Javier Bardem-owned clubs. It’s club representation out the ass. Will Max gain the confidence to escape Vincent once and for all? Why did Vincent go on and on about nothing mattering in LA and people dying alone and forgotten? Idk to depress me? NO it matters to the fucking PLOT! Plz watch. Kind of begging.
Did I catch a viiiiibe? Absolutely, but I can not be serious about it.
A character going from trying to escape somebody to having to beat them at their own game? Subgenre of movie I am obsessed with. This feels subtle for my high brain but is probably obvioussssss because I suspect this is a children’s movie trope. Is this FROZEN?
To the tune of Chris Cornell singing “I can tell you why people die alone”, four wolves cross in the night. Two of them are real wolves and two of them are Max / Vincent and actually none of them are wolves, but coyotes maybe? I don’t think wolves are indigenous to LA but regardless I was obsessed x 2. This is the only thing I want from masculinity. A return to nature. I’d rip my clothes off at this point if it were me.
Javier Bardem in one of his first English-language roles and stealing the scene!!! Notably the glasses come off Max’s face in this interactsh because he has to compete with Javier’s dangerous level of magnetism.
Some iconic sequences in here - Max climbs to the top of an open-air empty parking garage (ugly) to get visibility into the 30th floor of an LA skyscraper (ugly). But two uglies make a pretty. And I’ve always said that.
When Jada comes back into the equation and starts sneaking around with heels on… take your shoes OFF. What the fuck. But she did look very good.
At the end of the day I did cry and my Tom Cruise forgiveness meter is at an all time high. I think I get Michael Mann now. 9/10.
Or is it exactly accurate true-to-life and why I hate driving here???
Does anyone remember this movie? I must admit I didn’t watch, I got enough out of the cast and title to sustain me. Someone tell me if I should watch this.